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Waxpoof:
The Musical Stylings of Wax Tadpole

Contributed by Wax Tadpole on the Unknown Country message board;
compiled here by kind permission


Gray-O

Gray-o, gray-ay-ay-o
Dreamland come and me wan' go host
Gray-o, gray-ay-ay-o
Dreamland come and me wan' go host

Work all night on de tender bum
Dreamland come and me wan' go host
Stick icy probe till de morning come
Dreamland come and me wan' go host
Gray-o, gray-ay-ay-o
Dreamland come and me wan' go host
Gray-o, gray-ay-ay-o
Dreamland come and me wan' go host

Come, Mister mantis man, sample me genetics
Dreamland come and me wan' go host
Come, Mister mantis man, sample me genetics
Dreamland come and me wan' go host
Gray-o, gray-ay-ay-o
Dreamland come and me wan' go host
Gray-o, gray-ay-ay-o
Dreamland come and me wan' go host

Wake three o'clock, four o'clock, forehead crunch
Dreamland come and me wan' go host
Wake three o'clock, four o'clock, forehead crunch
Dreamland come and me wan' go host

Implant go crunch in ripe prefronta'
Dreamland come and me wan' go host
Hide de device from Doctah Lieah
Dreamland come and me wan' go host
Wake three o'clock, four o'clock, forehead crunch
Dreamland come and me wan' go host
Three o'clock, four o'clock, forehead crunch
Dreamland come and me wan' go host
Gray, me say gray-ay-ay-o
Dreamland come and me wan' go host
Gray, me say gray, me say gray, me say gray.

Wax says: [It is a] reference in Whitley's latest Journal entry...I can't get enough of those high-strangeness updates...not sure if it's quite the same tune though, since I did not see 'hill and gully rider' in the lyrics I used for my 'template'... :o(
Whitley says: Too bad I can't sing. I'd sing Gray-O on Dreamland. The specific song was the Banana Boat Song as sung by the Tarriers in 1956, which I have on a CD. The phrase went through my head for days after the incident. I about ready to try a lobotomy...


Whitty's Gnome
Jesse's Girl/Rick Springfield

You can't keep a good Tadpole down! As proof, I offer the latest Waxpoof:
"Whitty's Gnome"


Whitty hosts Dreamland,
Yeah I know he's been a host a long time
But lately something's changed
It ain't hard to define
Whitty's got himself a gnome
And it wants to scan his mind
And it's watching him with huge eyes
And inoculatin' him with that candy, I just know it
And meditating in his room late, late at night

You know I wish that I had Whitty's Gnome
I wish that I had Whitty's Gnome
Why can't I find a being like that

I sprayed that thing with this here Raid
It doesn't seem to cease it's squealin', too strange
You know it's clothes are dirty, it's skin's damp like a newt
I wanna tell it that I own it, coach that creature like a Knute
'Cause it's watching him with huge eyes
And inoculatin' him with that candy, I just know it
And meditating in his room late, late at night

You know I wish that I had Whitty's Gnome
I wish that I had Whitty's Gnome
Why can't I find a being like that?

Like Whitty's Gnome
I wish that I had Whitty's Gnome
Why can't I find a being
Why can't I find a being like that

And I'm lookin' through my Third Eye all the time
Wanderin' 'round as a spirit, see
I've been friendly; put away all my iron
Ain't that the way contact's supposed to be
Tell me why can't I find a being like that

You know I wish that I had Whitty's Gnome
I wish that I had Whitty's Gnome
Why can't I find a being like that?
Like Whitty's Gnome

I wish that I had Whitty's Gnome
I want, I want Whitty's Gnome

Wax says: ...Slobber-slobber-slobbergnome, since Whit doesn't come to the board I needn't worry about hurting his feelings, so from now on I'll openly use my private nickname for his little buddy...It is really icky to me that he'd eat slobber-glazed candy from a total stranger, esp. one who is small and shriveled and feels cool and moist to the touch, kinda like a mushroom...blech... Anyway, having a little fun with the "slobbergnome" doesn't mean I have anything against Whitley... If I offended anyone, it would properly be the gnomelike Visitor himself...if he sees my thread and so chooses, he may visit me sometime and use his uncanny powers to set me on the path of wisdom...
Whitley says: I do read the boards every day. And it was indeed gross to eat that candy. It was simply sticky when I put it into my mouth, but became slick with slobber as soon as I began to suck it. I wondered if I would get some horrible disease. However, the most interesting thing about the situation was that the three pieces of candy pointed to the book 'Life Between Lives' on my bookshelf, and my eating it was followed by an incredible period of involvement with somebody whose presence in my life proved to me that there is more to us than the physical, maybe somebody from a 'between lives' state. So it was worth it, from what I learned. Although I have never been able to comfortably suck a Fisherman's Friend since.
Wax says: W-w-Whitley read my...Hello Mr. Strieber [sheepish grin, complexion shifting from beet-red to ghostly pale] I was just kidding about ...heh..umm..but..but...why...if it was...but...you agree but you did it anyw-w-w-w-wuuhhhhh [Waxy hits the floor with a resounding thud, out cold...a deafening silence ensues...]


Abductee
Refugee/Tom Petty

Since I seem to have built a fan-base (heh) I'm setting up this thread for my nonsense:
First up, a twisted tune I call "Abductee"


We hear thumpin’, windows glow-lit;
We don't talk too much about it
A surreal Black Project, all the same,
Somehow we get impounded .

Wakened with jolts at a quarter ‘til three
Whitty, your Country is an Unknown Country
But see, you don't have to live like an abductee

Somewhere, somehow, some being must have
Probed you around some
Tell me why you hadda lay there,
Revel in your communion

Whitty, it don't make no Breakthrough to me
Whitty, everybody's had a Gray in their tree*
You see, you don't have to live like an abductee
No Whitty, you don't have to live like an abductee

Whitty, we ain't the first
I'm sure a lot of experiencers been burned
Right now this ain't real to you
But one of those times you got to see Calvus II*

Somewhere, somehow, some being must have
Probed you around some
Who knows, maybe you were Fed-zapped,
Beamed-up, taken away, or told “you’re Ranm*”

Whitty, it don't make no Breakthrough to me
Whitty, everybody’s had a Gray in their tree*.
You see, you don't have to live like an abductee
No, you don't have to live like an abductee
Whitty, you don't have to live like an abductee

   *References to The Communion Letters


Strieber'd
Freebird/Allen Collins, Ronnie VanZant (Lynyrd Skynyrd)
Pronounced "Stree-bird"


If I'm abducted tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be astral-traveling on now
To too many places, O.O.B.E.

If I stay here with you Gray
Things just couldn't be the same
'Cause I'm Whitley, yes, Strieber now
This Strieber you cannot change

Oh, Whit Strieber you cannot change
Anne Strieber you cannot change
Leir knows I can't change

Bye-bye gnome, pre-sucked sweets, love
Tingly feelings, specters strange
But please don't tell this to "Andy"
'Cause Leir knows I'm to blame

But if I stay here with you Gray
Things just couldn't be the same
'Cause I'm Whitley, yes, Strieber now
This Strieber you cannot change

Oh, Whit Strieber you cannot change
Anne Strieber you cannot change
Leir knows I can't change
Leir help me I can't change

Oh no, it's not OK...


Buggy Eyes
Here's some nice 80's cheese, retitled... "Buggy Eyes"
( muchly thankings of Bex for the inadvertent inspiration!)


I was sitting all alone
Watching David Letterman
And, oh brother
Lights were dancin cross the floor
Turning, moving back and forth
They were Visitors
One more lively night for me
I looked up, what did I see?

Buggy eyes, peekin' round the door
Smell like carton-board, buggy eyes (buggy)
Buggy eyes, come from Calvus II*
To take a gene or two, Buggy eyes

You cut up and took a gland
Did a swift mindscan - my chance to make you sick
Ooh, my madness broke your spell
It didn't take long till you fell
And you knew it
No more Whitley nights for me
This is how it's gonna be

Buggy eyes, peekin' round the door
Smell like carton-board, buggy eyes (buggy)
Buggy eyes, come from Calvus II*
To take a gene or two, Buggy eyes

No more Whitley nights for me
This is how it's gonna be

Buggy eyes, peekin' round the door
Smell like carton-board, buggy eyes (buggy)
Buggy eyes, come from Calvus II*
To take a gene or two, Buggy eyes

Buggy eyes, come from Calvus II*
To take a gene or two, Buggy eyes
Buggy eyes, come from Calvus II*
To take a gene or two, Buggy eyes

   *References to The Communion Letters


Milk On My Lips
Kiss On My List/Hall and Oates
More H&O-based cheese...as promised...


My readers wonder why I’d get up after bedtime
And ride away
I just felt the need to attend each Secret School day
They think maybe I need sleep, but I know I must write, all night
They’ll be better off after reading Michael’s advice

If they insist I blew it, Louis
I’ll tell them this
When they want to know, what the reason is
I said goodbye to the guy, but failed to identify

Because the milk, the milk was on my lips
Because the milk, the milk was on my lips
Because, the milk was on my lips, of Nepenthe that night
Because the milk, the milk was on my lips
Because the milk, the milk of forgetfulness
Because the milk was what I sipped, in Toronto that night

I go crazy wondering what else Michael said to me
Did that guy just take up my time, or was there more to The Key ?
Sometimes I regret letting him in, I don't regret what he taught, he taught
The things that he said were all new, they couldn’t be wrong

But if you insist I blew it, Louis
I'll tell you this
If you want to know what the reason is
I said goodbye to the guy, but failed to identify

Because the milk, the milk was on my lips
Because the milk, the milk was on my lips
Because, the milk was on my lips, of Nepenthe that night
Because the milk, the milk was on my lips
Because the milk, the milk of forgetfulness
Because the milk was what I sipped, in Toronto that night

I really miss Ranm

Because the milk, the milk was on my lips
Because the milk, the milk was on my lips
Because the milk was on my lips, of Nepenthe that night oh Gray
Because the milk, the milk was on my lips
Because the milk, the milk of forgetfulness
Because the milk was what I sipped, in Toronto that night
Because the milk, the milk was on my lips
Because the milk, the milk of forgetfulness
Because the milk was on my lips, of Nepenthe that night


Won't You Be My Visitor?
Won't You Be My Neighbor?/Fred Rogers
(I'm trying to do this from memory, so if I mess up forgive me)


It's a beautiful day in the Whitley Wood
A beautiful day for a Visitor
Could you be mine
Would you be mine

I've always wanted to be abducted in the gloom
I've always wanted a Mantis to invade my room

So let's make the most of this incident, Gray
Since we're together we might as well say
Would you be mine
Could you be mine
Won't you be my Visitor
Won't you please, won't you please
Please won't you be
my
Visitor


Whitty Come Back
Baby Come Back/J C Crowley,Peter Beckett (No Mercy)
A new "Baby Come Back" based Waxpoof


Spending all your nights, hill and gully, wearing crepe-paper gowns
Cueing alien beings just to get us off of your mind
But when the morning comes, you're right back in your body again
Trying to forget us is just like missing time

Whitty come back, any kind of Gnome could see
Transformation in everything about you
Whitty come back, BUU can blame it on Beasley
Ah wuh shrawng, and we just can't live without you

All night long, grilling a man in Old Toronto,
Trying to get past the guile and truly hear.
But as the sun comes up, you get that milky fluid again.
How you wish you'd roomed with Doctor Leir..

Whitty come back, any kind of Gnome could see,
Transformation in everything about you.
Whitty come back, BUU can blame it on Beasley.
Ah wuh shrawng, and we just can't live without you.

Now that you've put it all together
Into a pamphlet ;o) called "The Key"
Have you traded in your words to help Art?
Writing left for we – ain't there writing left for we?

Whitty come back, any kind of Gnome could see,
Transformation in everything about you.
Whitty come back, listen, BUU can blame it on Beasley.
Ah wuh shrawng, and we just can't live without you.

Ah wuh shrawng, and we just can't live --

Whitty come back, any kind of Gnome could see
Transformation in everything about you
Whitty come back, BUU can blame it on Beasley...

[Fade]


Visitin' Whit Sub-Rosa
Livin' La Vida Loca/Ricky Martin


He's into Visitation
Black sedans, cardboard dolls*
I feel a premonition
That Gray's comin' through the wall
He's caused a buzz sensation
Three knocks and spotlamp light
He's left pre-sucked confections
And growling boys that bite
He'll make you take your clothes off
And attach a hose to drain
He'll make you flip like Barney Fife
Or he'll take away your pain
With an implant in your brain

chorus:
Big fright, insight, doubt
He's visitin' Whit sub-rosa
He'll give you a crepe gown
Visitin' Whit sub-rosa
No lips, a bulbous head
And two pinholes for a nose-a
He will wear you out
Visitin' Whit sub-rosa
He's visitin' Whit sub-rosa

Went back to New York City
Ah, my cabin, forced to sell
He took my snacks and he took my money
He must've been Mike 'cause that sleeping pill
Resembling milky water
Made me forget - Nerpenthe
Once you've had a taste of his
You may not regain fame
But you'll inspire spoofs inane

[repeat chorus]

He'll make you take your clothes off
And attach a hose to drain
He'll make you flip like Barney Fife
Or he'll take away your pain
With an implant in your brain (Come on!)
Big fright, insight, doubt
He's visitin' Whit sub-rosa
He'll give you a crepe gown
Visitin' Whit sub-rosa
No lips, a bulbous head
And two pinholes for a nose-a
He will wear you out
Visitin' Whit sub-rosa
[repeat chorus]

   * see pg. 208 of the paperback edition of Breakthrough


(The System Of) Doctor Leir and Communer Strieber
(The System Of) Doctor Tarr And Professor Fether/Alan Parsons
(Inspired by A. Parsons & Co.)


Just what you need to help you stop screaming
Just what you need to help you stop
Just what you need to help you stop screaming
Just what you need to help you stop

When your tongue feels like dry leather
In your bed there's bits of heather
Did you sleepwalk to the Basin?
Oh, the night work has you spacin'
If your implant is a beeper
You're in need of Doctor Leir and Communer Strieber

Do your spoons bend like you're Uri
Do you glow with excess Curies?
Visit Gray Space in a Buu way
Like you're talkin' to Wahatahay
Meet Whit's wise being, and believe her
Take a lead from Doctor Leir and Communer Strieber

Find the end of the wormhole
Fly around, a detached soul
Laugh at lyrics by Tadpole
Just what you need to help you stop screaming

Confirmation altogether
Guaranteed by Doctor Leir and Communer Strieber

Find the end of the wormhole
Fly around, a detached soul
Laugh at lyrics by Tadpole
Just what you need to help you stop screaming

Don't stop bringin' the Knights round*
Don't start fightin' a Kyron*
Keep on hearin' a strange sound
All that you need is Whit and strong Nerpenthe

   * references to a group of Strieber fans who feel they are victims of evil aliens, and seek vengeance.


The School in the Basin
From an old country-gospel tune called
“The Church In The Wildwood”


There'a a School in San Antone's Olmos Basin,
A tree with an odd twisted bole;
No place is so strange in Whit's childhood
As the little Secret School in the Hole.

Oh, come, come, come, come,
Come to the School in the Basin,
No spot is so strange to Whit's childhood
As the little Secret School in the Hole.

Oh, come to the school in the Basin,
To the lea which was shrouded in gloom;
Where the wimpled being was enchanted,
Waking kids up at night with a boom.

How sweet on a clear cabin morning,
Whit list to the heart rending yell;
Its tones in triplets were calling,
Oh, come to the School in the Hole.

From the School in San Antone's
Olmos Basin,
When day fades away into night,
Whit would fain from this spot of his childhood
Wing his way to the Gold City's light.

Oh, come, come, come, come,
Come to the School in the Basin,
Oh, come to the School in the Hole;
No spot is so strange in Whit's childhood
As the little Secret School in the Hole.


Enter Kundalini Twin
Enter Sandman/Metallica
Here's one for the ol' Metalheads...


Say, you're Gray, little one
Don't abduct my son
Cherokee's got a gun*

Tuck you in, pesky Twin
Keep you firmly pinned
Till Kundalini comes

Sleep with one hand gropin'
Gripping that fellow tight

Spacecraft light
Late at night
Black-clawed hand
Off to Barkly Tableland

Post my song to this site
Banal rhymes tonight
(I need Kunda-Kryptonite)

Spoofs deplore, spoofs desire,
Spoofs leave Waxy mired
In smoth'ring Vegemite

Sleep with one hand gropin'
Gripping that fellow tight

Spacecraft light
Late at night
Black-clawed hand
Off to Barkly Tableland

As I lay me down to sleep
I feel a tap from Kunda Creep
If that guy keeps me awake
Swear it's fifty arms I'll break

Hush li'l abductee, don't say a word
And never mind that noise you heard
It's just three knocks, Grays by your bed
Planting objects in your head

Spacecraft light
Late at night
Probed and scanned

Spacecraft light
Late at night
Black-clawed hand
We're off to Barkly Tableland

   * reference to a right-wing fan of Mr. Strieber


Cabin Whit
Based on the “I Love Lucy” version of a tune called Cuban Pete.


They call me Cabin Whit
I'm the King of the Being Visit
When I play with my pinna
It goes click-clicky-voom
Click-clicky-voom

Yes, Sir, I'm Cabin Whit
I was busy with my horror-lit
When the Grays advanced
Everything went click-clicky-voom
Click-clicky-voom

"Hill-and-gully Rider" they sing
And how they zing in their UFO
They poke and slice, they smell of spice
And when they land and they burn an eerie ring in the wheat field
How're they so strong, they're so thin and long?

So if you'd like to sit
In the stone ring with Cabin Whit
First you'll screech then you'll click-clicky-voom
Click-clicky-voom, click-clicky-voom

Si, Jumpalina, I know that you will like the clicky voom click
'Cause it's the trance of Calvan advance
And Cabin Whit doesn't teach you
In a hurry like Jacquie Vallee
I come from Antonio welcome to my imbroglio

So Jumpalina.....
Oh no.....

(LBJ)
They call me Jumpie Bit
I will scream, and those beings I'll hit
If they try their trance I'll make THEM go click-clicky-voom
Click-clicky-voom

(Whit: Ay ay ay ay ay ay)

Excuse me Mister Whit (Whit: Yes Ma'am)
Have the Calvans a medical kit
If they have will they teach me to click
Click-clicky-voom, click-clicky-voom

(Whit)
Si, Jumpalina, I know that you will like the clicky voom click
(LBJ: Yeah man)
They poke and slice, they smell of spice
They place implants in your hip and if you will sometimes in a gland
Then we shall fly an owl that's dry


Youy Dropped a Being On Me
The Gap Band


Click here for this full-color Waxpoof rendered by Wax himself.
Please wait for image to load in new window after clicking.


Incarnations
A semi-serious, hatchet-burying *Spooforiah* of
“Good Vibrations” by the Beach Boys

I, I love the philosophical things he swears
And the way his posts display such savoir-faire
As he expounds with lengthy words
On this aching mortal coil that brings despair

He's speaking of incarnations
Repeating soul iterations
I'm cyclin' through incarnations
(Boom knock knock incarnations)
Celestial educations
(Boom knock knock educations)
Buddha Buddha Buddha incarnations
(Boom knock knock)
Celestial educations
(Boom knock knock educations)
Buddha Buddha Buddha incarnations
(Boom knock knock)
Celestial educations
(Boom knock knock educations)

Jocoriah's
A frequent poster now
Waxy-style, I know he thinks I'm blind
When I look to the skies
No less than he, I dream of other worlds

He's speakin' of incarnations
Celestial educations
He's speakin' of incarnations
(Boom knock knock incarnations)
Celestial educations
(Boom knock knock educations)
Buddha Buddha Buddha incarnations
(Boom knock knock)
Celestial educations
(Boom knock knock educations)
Buddha Buddha Buddha incarnations
(Boom knock knock)
Celestial educations
(Boom knock knock educations)

(Ahhhhhhh)
(Ah Gray Gray night invasion)
I don't know where but there's beings out there
(Ah Gray Gray probe penetration)
(Ah Gray Gray night invasion)
(Ah Gray Gray night)
Gotta keep those learnin' incarnations
A happenin' with him
Gotta keep those learnin' incarnations
A happenin' with him
Gotta keep those learnin' incarnations
A happenin'

Ahhhhhhhh
Buddha Buddha Buddha incarnations
(Boom knock knock)
(I'm pickin' up incarnations)
Celestial educations
(Boom knock knock)
(educations)
Buddha Buddha Buddha incarnations
(Boom knock knock)
It's Quazgaa. . .
Quazgaa gaa gaa gaa
Quazgaa gaa
Quazgaa gaa gaa gaa
Quazgaa gaa
Ummo Ummo ooh
Ummo ooh
Ummo Ummo ooh
Ummo ooh


Shawangunk* City
Paradise City/Guns 'n' Roses
OK, let's try this again [sigh].
A reconstructed & fleshed-out pre-Crash Waxpoof of “Paradise City”, by Guns'n'Roses.

*According to Communion Letters, this is the name of a mountain chain near Whit's old cabin.

Take me down to the Shawangunk City
Where the beings are gray and they abduct Whitty
Oh, take me to Twilight Zone

Take me down to the Shawangunk City
Where the beings are gray and they abduct Whitty
To the Zone oh, take me to Twilight Zone

Just a wooden cabin on an unpaved street,
Lotsa space, neighbors croak and tweet
Whit's no temporal-lobe case, so don't go givin' him heat,
He's paid for his visions sublime
(Say, that's NOT an owl in that pine!)

Bugz to gnomez or so he says,
He thought it worth riskin' reputation and fame
Horror-writing ramble has gone up in flame,
These beings are like, umm, Magonia Mimes
And they've taken all Whitley's time

Take me down to the Shawangunk City
Where the beings are gray and they abduct Whitty
Oh, take me to Twilight Zone

Take me down to the Shawangunk City
Where the beings are gray and they abduct Whitty
To the Zone

Strapped in the chair of the saucer's test chamber
What they did Whit can't quite remember
The Mother Of Us All says “you'll be okay, just breathe”
“We'll help you stop screaming, tell us how, please!”
*Tell ON YOU!* “Who's gonna believe?”

Take me down to the Shawangunk City
Where the beings are gray and they abduct Whitty
To the Zone, yeah

Take me down to the Shawangunk City
Where the beings are gray and they abduct Whitty
Oh, take me to Twilight Zone
He's called Abbe, He's called Abbe, He's called Abbe, He's called Abbe

Professor Mack, he's been torn apart
They said “Abort tenure! It's a sick brain fart!”
Whit said “John, stand your ground, be the experiencer's Sartre”
Feels like he's losin' his mind - candies find
He's learned how to rise up above time

Take me down to the Shawangunk City
Where the beings are gray and they abduct Whitty
To the Zone

Take me down to the Shawangunk City
Where the beings are gray and they abduct Whitty
Oh, take me to Twilight Zone

Take me down to the Shawangunk City
Where the beings are gray and they abduct Whitty
To the Zone

Take me down to the Shawangunk City
Where the beings are gray and they abduct Whitty
To the Zone oh, take me to Twilight Zone

Oh I wanna go, I wanna go, oh won't you please, to the Zone
Oh won't you please, to the Zone

Take me down to the Shawangunk City
Where the beings are gray and they abduct Whitty
To the Zone
Oh, take me to Twilight Zone


Whitley says: My old cabin was in the northern Shawangunks, about thirty miles north of Pine Bush, New York. It was not all that far, speaking of the Twilight Zone, from Rod Serling's house...


Danae, Boy Oh Boy Oh Boy
Danny Boy/Frederic E. Weatherly


Oh Danae, boy, the Grays, the Grays are calling
From Whitley's den, and down Shawangunk's side
The cabin's gone, and UFOs are flying
'tis you, 'tis you must know your spirit guide.

But watch your back when humming's in the meadow
Or when you've been ambushed by beings that glow
'tis you'll be there smiling back from the shadows
Oh Danae, boy oh boy oh boy, let's meow like Coe.

And if you come, when UFOs are flying
You'll see the Dead, and Dead may talk to thee
You'll come and find a mirror great for skrying
And squeal and say “Hey, Abbe!” for Whitley.

Grays you shall hear, tho' soft they tread in the trees
Haunting screams and raps in sets of three
Your heart may fail 'cause they're just so darn creepy
They surely hail from Whit's Unknown Country.


The above selections were originally contributed by Wax Tadpole on the Unknown Country message board; they have been compiled here by kind permission. Missing tunes include “Three Knocks.”


Waxpoof: The Musical Stylings of Wax Tadpole
© 2001 Wax Tadpole
All Rights Reserved.
Reprinted by kind permission.
Waxpoof (wãks-põõf) n. A contraction of Wax spoof.